...so much their bones ache.

On most days I come home to an empty house and try to remember my life as a single girl. "This was your day everyday," I think. Cooking for one, eating in front of my computer, not bothering to put any clothes away because who cares, it's all my space anyway and I don't have to share it with anyone.  I do hate cooking for one, but I am starting to appreciate taking up as much space as I want and not worry about thinking about anyone but myself.

But unlike a breakup, at least this bone aching feeling doesn't have to last forever.

don't postpone joy.

I.am.exhausted.  This week was overwhelming. I wish I could enjoy the weekend but I have so much work to do and I just want to crawl under my desk and forget all about everything except dust bunnies. I'm sleepy, the weather here is weird, I miss Mat, and the internet is acting up, thus robbing me of my Friday tradition of watching all Thursday night shows on Hulu uninterrupted. And for these reasons, I am choosing the following reasons to be happy:
- just finished 5th week of school! that means I'm starting the 6th, which means I'm halfway through my first semester!
- the baby pigeons outside my window are getting older and will soon fly the coop and I won't have to hear their incessant squawking anymore!
- I went to Trader Joe's today and bought canned pumpkin and am gonna make all kinds of pumpkin smoothies!
- I found a super awesome mermaid mug in my cabinet and it's really pretty and it's my new coffee/tea mug, so I'm no longer stealing Carey's Georgetown and St. John's "I have two degrees in fancy" mugs!

Also, I really appreciate the man that stands outside my subway stop in the morning handing out the daily free paper.  He's always wearing a nice suit and hat, and always smiling. No matter what you're doing, look good and smile.

summer in the city.

sitting in the 6th floor library reading room in my favorite spot next to the window, I can see the Chrysler building off in the distance, and have a very favorable view of Washington Square Park.  As the breeze blows, you can see the occasional brown leaf swaying ceremoniously down to the ground below, and we are reminded that fall is here.

as winter approaches, and school becomes more challenging, I am reminded of one of my favorite Camus quotes: "and even in the depth of winter, I found lay within me an invincible summer."  This winter will be particularly cold for many more ways than one, so it'll do good to remember that.

'tis a fearful thing

'tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch

a fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be-

to be,
and oh, to lose

a thing for fools, this,

and a holy thing,

a holy thing
to love.

for your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.

to remember this brings painful joy.

'tis a human thing, love.
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.

- judah halevi