paint your face red.

i've been reading my friend Shawn's blog on a rather regular basis, and while i'm super stoked that he and his gf are having such an amazing adventure, it also makes my heart hurt a little. i want to have adventures! adventures that don't involve my passive-aggressive boss, my greedy landlord, my smoking car, my dirty apartment, fights on the bus, and that scary crazy man on the corner by my dirty apartment. yes, i'm aware that i just had adventures not so long ago...but they're like Pringles. you can't have just one. or a tube. i need more tubes of Pringles.

i should probably just stop reading his blog. that might make me feel better.

i've been feeling quotey lately. here's one from Joey from A Softer World (totally unrelated to the contect of this entry, but who cares):
"Man, I was thinking about unrequited love. I figure it's best to just walk that shit off. Find someone else to be excited about. It's like if you love ice cream but your ice cream man friend won't give you any. Maybe he's got a good reason. It cuts into profits. Who knows? But he likes you as a friend and wants to hang out anyway. It just drives you crazy to hang out with that dude, even if he's being reasonable from his point of view. So don't hang out with him. What, you ONLY like ice cream? It's ice cream or nothing? Don't be an asshole. Learn to love donuts."

she is in everything

we don't.

but we say

we can walk away

if we want.

hang your holiday rainbow lights in the garden.

Tomorrow I am moving to the city. It's funny, I'm only moving across a bay, but I'm still anxious. I don't even remember how I managed to move across an entire ocean. But it's a good feeling....like breathing new life into something stale. That's how I've been feeling...stale.

Today I signed up for two classes at City College of San Francisco, neither of which are nursing related. But I'm excited, because they are two things I have always wanted to be better at. Beginning Conversational Spanish, and Elementary Guitar. Now I can use the beautiful Taylor guitar that I got for Christmas 7 years ago. And now I can pretend even better to speak Spanish when I drink.

It's going to be a busy Spring, I don't think I could've handled Microbiology. I signed up for a full marathon, and submitted my portfolio for review to take the national license for massage exam. I'm going to 2 weddings, and Salt Lake City, and my cousins from Australia are coming. And I'll be acclimating to a new life. Micro can wait.

And Erin Conger is moving here.

Things are looking up...so don't look down.

the remains of summer memories.

Sometimes in the morning, I get on a train that goes all the way to the airport. And some days, I think about just staying on that train, going to the airport, throwing down my credit card and squeaking "gimmie a ticket to ANYWHERE BUT HERE!"

But then I remember that that's crazy and irresponsible, and that's not who I'm supposed to be anymore.

it's never enough.

nothing is lost, it's just frozen in frost.

in some strange universe, last week happened. this morning i woke up from this long dream that included long plane rides, family, tears, and beers. 

i've missed sydney. in this same strange universe, i see myself being happy there. i remember only the good things, the good times, and the smell of the city. it's not a bad smell, but it's just one that is uniquely sydney. like the smell of a friend's house. 

i wish it were really a dream that my aunt is really gone. that all her efforts and her families' efforts were not buried with those pink roses and picture frames. 

i'll always remember her grace, and her bravery. i'll remember the strength of her children and husband as they greeted and thanked everyone for caring so much without becoming the sobbing mess that i'm sure i would be. maybe it was the power of positivity that kept her here for that while. 

i'll maintain the idea that she's somewhere else, arriving on that other shore, with those that have left before her there to greet her. 

karma.

Yesterday, my brother and I were on our way to go look at a new bike for him, as his was recently stolen from the Bart station. We were talking about how we now both looked at bikes people we riding, to see if, by any chance, they were riding that blue Cannondale mountain bike that my dad had owned for 15 years. Alas, wherever it is, it is probably far, far away from Walnut Creek. I said "don't worry, karma will get them."

And then Cian said, "well, maybe they're in a situation where karma has already gotten them. And that's why they're stealing bikes."

...I guess I never thought of it that way before.